If you speak to the others PhD students, you realized that your challenges are not unique. You realized that you can’t make those challenges as a reason not to excel. In fact, you realized that everyone has equal chance regardless of what circumstances we are in. The difference between us all is who will be able to face the challenge and take it to the next level. That what makes us unique.
I chatted with a friend today and he just told me that the uni has approved of his candidacy. Great news…more work to be done. Wow! But for me I personally think that’s an achievement. Good for him.
Before I left the house this morning, I was watching Al-Jazeera news and they were doing this interview with a Malaysian government official with regards to the refugees issue. Just a general info to everyone, UNDP in Malaysia plays an important role in protecting the refugees in this country. The refugees come from Myanmar, Sri Lanka, Cambodia, Iraq and some other countries. Okay, what caught my attention was that in the interview the journalist was asking why is the government not doing anything to curb the discriminatory problems of the refugees. Al Jazeera interviewed a family (refugees from Sri Lanka) and according to one of the family members, every time he got caught by the local police he had to ‘pay’ to be released (Refugees do not have legal status in this country, they are considered as illegal immigrants). And the journalist was asking the official, why was there no action taken to rectify the problem. The official replied by saying that they have not received any report regarding this issue thus, there’s no need to act on it. I left before the interview finishes.
What bothers me is that can we turn a blind eye just because the problem is not reported on papers? Malaysia is definitely better than that.
I had my first meeting with my supervisor yesterday. He’s good, in fact really good that he managed to draft the structure of my thesis in 10 mins (a task that most probably will take me months!) He gave me a reading list and studying politics is not something that is as easy as reading paperback novels. And I wonder…why did I put myself here? Did I think it was easy? sigh**
PhD is not for the faint of heart…definitely. Towards the end of course you would like to achieve something…be it a written journal (ahaa) or a degree. But if you think too much of the outcome, you’ll drive yourself against the wall. My method of surviving…you have to love your research first, whether you succeed in carrying it out…well only time will tell. Besides, I have at least 3 years to prove whether I’ll go nut or…nut!
And don’t you wonder why I am up at 4 am in the morning? Yes, I was thinking about the book that I read before going to sleep…this is the PhD life.
I was driving to AFS yesterday and I was listening to light.fm. I think it must be the age, hitz.fm seems too ‘pop’ for me right now! Then I listened to this song ‘Wild World’ rendered by the famous Cat Stevens or Yusuf Islam. Everyone seems to know who Cat Stevens is, frankly speaking I know about his conversion to Islam more than his songs. Funny as it may be, the version of ‘Wild World’ that I like is sung by Mr.Big. Yesterday was the first time I actually heard the original song by Cat Stevens. To be fair, both versions were sung beautifully but there is a certain longing when you heard of Cat Stevens’ voice. It was unhurried, sweet sweet melody. Masya Allah it’s beautiful.
Another year passed, a little older.
I’m the type who forgets my own Birthday. Not that age matters to me, I simply am too busy about other things in life sometimes I neglected what is important to me.
By important I mean, the older you get the more you should be alert of how significant your body changes. Few days back, I noticed something really troubling about my upper arm. True enough it’s a wake up call. Now to think of it, it all make sense…why I’m constantly having this throbbing on my right arm. I thought I was just using too much of my right hand side. If it doesn’t feel right, well maybe it isn’t. I shouldn’t have neglected my instinct. It doesn’t hurt to be careful, it actually hurts when you’re not.
Another year passed, a few more trips to the doctors.
The reason why I’m sharing this is simply if you feel you have been procrastinating to have that doctor’s appointment, think again.
Somehow age does matter.
I’m making more effort to be more pro-active these days as my life as a student begins…again. I’ve finally been accepted into the PhD program at Universiti Malaya after contemplating for few months whether it’s wise to do my PhD locally. Of course, there are many factors need to be considered but the most important factor in deciding where to do your PhD is to be very sincere why you want to do your PhD at the first place. Forget the Dr title, you know that it’s not going to be easy. My current situation tells me that UM is the best place considering I’m not applying for scholarship, I still need my job (I’m still new to teaching) and most importantly, I need to be confident enough to write papers (regardless where I’m studying).
I’m thinking of creating my PhD blog ~ part of doing research is to keep an exhaustive journal of your progress…making sure that you jot down all the processes and of course, at the same time to ensure you’ll stay sane.
Reading is important when you’re doing PhD…I find it helpful not only to be engrossed in your research materials but also to read blogs of other PhD students (it’s great to know that I’m not the only one suffering haha) and savor the motivational books on how to survive this journey.
I realized that PhD students are just human and this is in fact a very humbling experience 
The weekend is ending…how fast time flies.
On Friday night we managed to meet up despite busy schedule and other required life affairs. It has been a while. It was just really a session of catching up and devouring food.. No wonder, after all these years we are getting bigger!
Nothing much has changed though, it feels like we continued the conversation where we left it before. Ironic after all these years, we were still discussing soal hati..hehe…
My experience taught me that sometimes the things that we think is best of us might not be the best after all, Allah SWT knows best. And often enough we feel sad or depressed about something that is not ours to begin with or it was never meant to be (everything in this world is borrowed to us, even our life). Maybe what is missing is reflection. When it comes to the matter of the hearts…only god knows best.
Pandangan mata selalu menipu, pandangan akal selalu tersalah, pandangan nafsu selalu melulu, pandangan hati itu yang hakiki, kalau hati itu bersih..
ironic.
Tomorrow I’m on duty for convocation. I’m listing out, what are the things that I should bring in order to kill time. Must have:
Ipod Shuffle
Books
Ramadhan is fast approaching. The term is ending. I’m wondering, have I improved since last year? As it is time for reflection, it is also time to sort out my priorities. Time to learn from the past and change for the future. May Ramadhan brings peacefulness and courage for me to acknowledge past mistakes and strive to be a better ‘me’. Insya Allah.
Choices of book - Haruki Murakami or something enlightening and soothing to the heart? Perhaps both.
May I survive tomorrow.
The plot in ‘Blogger Boy’ is becoming more and more interesting. Mistakenly regarded as a gay blog (the blogger boy that is!) and the scene where the other 2 house mates were practicing Malay language…lawak seh… if you have no idea - what I’m blabbering about…it’s time to check out tv8 and so called - support the malaysian film or whatever.
I’m trying to be a better person and stop being a pain in the ass. My dad commented that I’m easily provoked. My comments towards that - I don’t tolerate ‘nonsense’. The truth is, I lack patience these days. And today, I’m just so pissed…grrr… how does one cope with selfishness?
I managed to finish Jhumpa Lampiri’s book ‘Unaccustomed Earth’ …a very interesting reading. I noticed her book when I watch the ‘Namesake’ - a movie adaption of her other title. It was so good that I just had to find the other titles. Now the trip to Kampar has another purpose. To catch up with those readings that I badly needed…
Perhaps the weekend will heal my bitterness.
It’s sunday and I’m recovering from my fever. Yesterday, I attended Gaya’s wedding - a former afs colleague. Indian + American + Jewish tradition - it was beautiful. Maybe I just love wedding, the reason why I love watching 27 dresses haha…anyway, I hope the bride and groom will have a great life ahead.
Believing that going out to find food (feels like stone age) will do more harm to my health, I decided to stay home and order nandos instead. First time ordering nandos, I hope they will be able to deliver on time. I’m sure is famished.
While waiting, I’m browsing through Michael Moore’s webpage. On thursday, I watched his amazing documentary. Just made me thinking, why I’m so into this whole documentary study (I’m about to receive my application results for PhD..) and the subject of my scrutiny is Amir Muhammad and Fahmi Reza’s documentaries on Malaysian political history. Do I have the tendency to support the left-wing? Maybe. But I realized that most importantly, I actually like the nature of documentary. Trying to tell a story from your point of view. It’s like providing and alternative or looking at another angle of life. And I feel that is very important. In life, we are always stuck with our own belief and opinion. That’s fine but sometimes knowing that others might not see things as the way we see it is also fine. Does life has always to be about taking side? Sometimes I think it’s about giving in.
Enough said…where’s my nandos?
